Fake Quotes
The things no one said about the comic that no one’s read. Why are you reading this anyway?
Stan Lee – I should buy this stupid comic, put my name in front of the title, wait for the trucks of money to start rolling in, and tell everyone about how I created Black Snow in long, boring, self indulging interviews.
Steve Ditko – F%@# Stan Lee! I created Spider-man. No one cared about his crappy dialogue and retarded stories, they liked the drawings. Oh, good luck with this train wreck of a comic you’ve created boys.
Jack Kirby – Learn how to draw, it looks like the goddamn scribblings of a lunatic.
George W. Bush – This comic book should be viewed as a weapon of mass destruction and must be destroyed, that is, unless you hate freedom.
President Obama – Can we as a people overcome the tragedies brought upon us by Black Snow? Yes we can!
John Kerry – I deserve a purple heart just for reading this crap.
Kevin Smith – Now this is just my style: wordy, long, and mildly amusing. Keep up the good work boys.
Steve Buscemi – Reading this freaking thing is better than being stuffed in a wood chipper or being murdered on the Sopranos. Actually, at least I got payed for those. Yeah, I like money.
Robert DeNiro – These boys…these boys are good. You know that. They are something special. I know a little bit about a little bit. I’m Robert freaking DeNiro, for God’s sake. Of course I know what I’m talking about.
The Joker – I tried to sue, but realized I was just a fictional, lame, one dimensional character.
Al Gore – I invented Black Snow, and the internet, which you are reading this on right now.
Theodore Roosevelt – Bully for you Rough Riders and your splendid little comic.
George Washington – I cannot tell a lie, I hated this comic.
Abraham Lincoln – I find the manner in which these gentlemen subvert the moral foundation of our fine society both perplexing and disconcerting. For the sake of our great nation, I beseech you not to read this comic, lest the union become divided again.
William Shakespeare – I shit better stuff than this.
Kanye West – Black Snow doesn’t care about black people.
Mike Meyers – What?
William Howard Taft – I must confess, I ate the book before I got the chance to read it.
Bill Clinton – I did not have sexual relations with that comic. Well, it depends how you define the meaning of comic.
Adolf Hitler – I cannot state how much I love this comic! It is often a favorite topic of conversation between my best friend Satan and I.
Lucifer, the Devil, the Fallen Angel, the Dark Lord, Beelzebub, The Beast – It’s true, I love this comic. Continue to do my bidding boys. Not enough positive Nazi role models in comics anymore. Wha- Huh? What do you mean the swastika is backwards?
